Friday, August 27, 2010

i want us to know...

...that we're all pretty fascinating, when you think about it.
...people who want you to learn are not (fill in the blank).
...someone who's a little different is still worth our time.
...that femininity is not found in playing dumb.
...that manliness is not found in ignorance.
...that breaking rules isn't what true fun is.
...someone will be thinking about us.
...that books are not just for geeks.
..."smart" is a good thing.
...something beautiful.
Sometimes I need to remind myself of these things, too. I tend to see everyone else's issues, point them out, and harp on them in my thoughts. I was the little girl in kindergarten telling the other kids what not to do. Funny, I've befriended those same troublemakers here in high school. But enough about me...that's not what it's about, right? We've all got issues.
At least we get to have them together.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

I Took Me Some Photographs

I went photo-shooting with my dear mama's camera the other day.

I was pretty impressed with myself.

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Photography can be done.
Even by someone like me.

Friday, August 13, 2010

make 'em laugh!

Everyone laughs differently.
I look people straight in the eye.
My mother leans.
Dad rarely gets truly tickled, but when he does, he concludes with, "Ah, shoot."
My brother is strange. He smiles big, a lot, but when he laughs, I do too.
My art teacher tears up, or at least rubs his eyes, every time he laughs.
My friend sounds like she's choking, or coming up for air or something.
Another friend airily giggles. It sounds fake, but it's not.
Yet another friend lets out one big blast, then covers her mouth.
An aquaintance has a different laugh every time I see him. He usually sounds like a goat, but it's hilarious for everyone around him. No one cares, and neither does he.
Yet another aquaintance can't talk until the moment is completely over, and even then she might keep on going for awhile.
How do you laugh? I know you've got your own little quirks, because I do too. So tell me.
This picture is of my grandfather John and grandma Bonnie. The Bonnie as in my mother's mother. The one with the brilliant words about doing. See "About the Name". She's obviously tickled here, and leaning over just the way her daughter does.
I love how Grandpa looks impressed with himself. He knows he made his love laugh.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

your love is a song...

I'm so nothing. I have nothing to recommend me, nothing truly special in the eyes of the world. But in your your eyes, I see truth. I see an opportunity to be who you created me to be. You show me what it means to be loved, and I try to show my thanks for it by loving you back.
I think of your love as a symphony, as music that seeps through my thoughts, my inhibitions, and finally, touches my soul. Can I feel that, please? Can I be lost in the songs you sing to me?
You show me your love through daily occurances...a spontaneous thought...a beautiful day...the history you've orchestrated...the people you place in my life...the song I'd forgotten, but heard all the same, at just the right moment. And at that right moment, you tell me what I need to hear.
Please, help me listen to what you say, because I know you speak to me in ways I love.
And I'll continue to love you back.

Sunday, August 1, 2010


"Lead me with strong hands, stand up when I can't..."

~Sanctus Real

I want to be led.

I want to be emptied of everything I know now - my desires, my hopes, the things I picture for my future, my failures, over and over again, my imperfections, my obsessions, the things and people I love -

I want it all emptied, good and bad alike.

To be empty is to be clean.

To be empty is the potential; gaping, wide-open potential, to be filled.

Refilled with only the good and more: the beautiful, the humble, the simple, the joyous, the dependent.

When you're filled with good things, they create a solid surface. It's something you can lean back against, soak up, and enjoy.

Bad things fill up full of holes, so you always want more. They deceivingly make themselves appear grounded in truth, and when you try to put your weight tentatively on them, they fall through.

I want to be emptied. Cleaned out, refreshed, sanitized, and made full.

In fullness, there's freedom.