Ouch.

My heart hurts a little.

So does my hair.

It's all stiff with hairspray, and it's going to be a nightmare untangling it.

I'm jealous of my brother. A couple of swipes with a comb and things are as good as new.

As for the heart...

"Drama" is pointless.

I've always made a point of not getting myself mixed up in anything.

I did nothing wrong.

I wasn't even in the "drama".

But it directly affected me.

Ouch.

It's a relief to know that nothing I did caused any of it.

But still.

It hurts a little.

Things were normal.

Fun.

Relatively simple.

I just don't get what changed.

I think I misjudged people.

The "drama" is an excellent example of that.

But my poor little heart got pricked.

And my cheeks got red.

I sat on the sidelines with a clear view of everything I didn't do wrong.

So I decided not to let it get to me.

That would be pointless.

And I went home and slept and ate and sat and stared and wrote and attempted to not feel sorry for myself.

I hope they're all happy.

Maybe now I'll truly become the poetry-writing type.

Ouch.

A Workout

You know those times when you say, "There is absolutely no way I'm doing that."? I love saying it. I don't have to do the thing then, because I'm being pathetic and whiny, and therefore no one feels like forcing me to do anything. Oh, I've used it on occasions like, say, spiders in my room, a 100 degree day when it's possible you'll be painting something...outside...So, let me share with you my latest experience with the afore-mentioned phrase.

I returned home this afternoon from the week-long camp my youth group goes to each year. Needless to say, it was a fantastic experience altogether, but the phrase...

Robert, my wonderful, amazing, cool youth pastor, whom I normally completely agree with, suggested, "Sometime this week, we'll probably be going to the ropes course on the property here."

At this point, I felt torn between wanting to slap poor Robert or running to hide.

How dare he offer something like that, I thought. I'm not physical! I have no upper body strength! I'm gonna feel like a total idiot! I'll be standing there the whole time! What's the point of climbing around thirty feet in the air on ropes and cables and whatnot?!

Somehow, I did it.

Yes, after all of my internal complaints, I just climbed up a cargo net (that gave me terrible rope burn and bruises), walked across a bridge made out of two-by-fours (forty feet up), and zip-lined down to the ground (three seconds of which were spent falling straight down). I, Elyse, just did it, and I'm so glad.

Maybe this stands out in my memory because I'm the kind of person who would love to just sit back, be comfortable, and watch extreme sports when...well...never. That's just who I'd accepted myself to be, and I planned on defending that personality trait whenever threatened.

Just doing it made me feel like I could do whatever else I wanted. Maybe it's a good idea for me to stop saying I'll never do something.

Tough

I'll tell you something: it's tough being a teenager. Especially one with morals. You want to be in but not of. How do you make the right decision? How do you deal with those who seem to think you're odd or out there because of what you believe to be true? How do you say no when it seems impossible, when there's easier options? How do you get over the fact that people around you have different priorities?

Sometimes I enjoy being the voice of reason, because I'm the one with the truth. But that's tough, too. Even when you know you're right, and that they need to hear this, you continue to doubt yourself, wondering if they even care or if any of it is sinking in.

They treat you differently, and you're torn between wanting it and wishing it away.

You want to fit, but know that you never completely can.

Leaving things your heart knows are wrong tears it apart sometimes.

I might sound hopeless, but I know it isn't. There's a point to it all...getting there is tough. *sigh* Sometimes I just wish things were simpler.

I'm A Geek

Have you ever seen those people who get excited about certain things that don't seem to matter in the long run? That aren't even true, but love the stuff anyway? Like Trekkies. And Twilighters. Those "Mrs. Cullen"s. Whatever, I say. I smirk at their obsessions like everyone else. But I'm also human, and I'm a geek, too, so I know people smirk at me sometimes, too. Feel free to do so as you read this. :) But what am I geek about, you may ask?

• The Lightning Thief series. If you've never heard of these books or don't know what they're about, this will fill you in. If I lived in New York City, I would have been at the premier in a Camp Half-Blood t-shirt.

• Jane Austen. This may not apply to me in full because I (don't hit me) haven't read the books. I know. Very bad. But I like the movies...does that count at all? My mother says I can't buy the shirt that says, "I randomly quote Jane Austen," (which I do) until I've actually read the books. I'm getting around to it...:)

• The Rebelution. I check the website every time I'm online for their latest blog post. It's so incredibly refreshing to read anything by the Harris brothers. This is a good geek-thing.

• Chuck. The TV show about that be-Conversed, bumbling, adorable spy who loves his partner agent (but won't admit it) and works at an electronics store in the Nerd Herd as his cover. I love it. My family will testify to the fact that every time it hits eight o'clock on Monday night, I can be found shrieking, "Chuck is on! Chuck is on! I love you, Chuck!" to the screen.

Yes, I can be very pathetic when these things are anywhere near me. Like I said, I'm human, too. But I gotta admit, I love life even more when Chuck is on, or when I'm reading about Percy and Annabeth and Grover, or having a bi-weekly P&P movie night with my mom, or checking in with other rebelutionaries, so I guess it's worth it. :)

Spontaneously

So, several things are going through my mind right now. And I'll share them with you.

• My original oratory speech (I posted about it awhile back) was relatively successful. Granted, I didn't make it to the finals, or even the semifinals. Okay, I didn't make it past the first round, but it was meaningful to me nonetheless. I'm hoping I can have it completely memorized by the next tournament. Hopefully.
• Picture day is tomorrow. Hmph. I look back now on too many years of pictures. I wasn't really into the whole ordeal in elementary school; that was my mom's thing. She was the one who did my hair and picked out the outfit. Ah, the days where it wasn't my responsibilty for how I presented myself. I wish I could go back sometimes.
• Some of my favorite words. I know, I know, kind of odd after those two things, but it's something I've been thinking about.

- vivacious

- tea

- cumpleanos (Okay, this is Spanish, but it's a delicious word anyway.)

- light

- carousel

- ridiculous

- fabacious (It means bean-like. I never use it, but that's not the point.)

- indignant

- clarinet

- zinger

- eight

- melancholy

- indelible

- majesty

And with that, I shall bid farewell.

Oratory? Definitely. Original?...Ugh.

I love Do Hard Things. It's on my top five books list. I never get tired of reading it, and it has a place located very close to my heart. So, when I figured that I'd do an original oratory speech about it for debate, I thought, "This will be so simple! I'll just use stuff from the book yet make it my own!" No, Elyse, that's plagairism. I knew that. Silly me. So, now what do I do? Well, what ended up happening was me sitting myself down at Word with Do Hard Things in hand, and just typing. It was very negative, with no hope. "Teenagers are going to be the demise of the world!!!" was basically the unintended message. So I started over. It sounds more hopeful, and I think that its much more "me". I really think this speech could have effects beyond the competition room. I want to inspire people with what I say. Please pray that I can use the soil I've been given to be fruitful. So many opportunities present themselves in debate. This is one of them.

ESPN Can Mean Something

Just so you know, I am NOT a sports fan. Nor am I a fan of ESPN magazine. But recently, some of their articles have been striking chords with me. It started when my youth pastor showed us the cover of ESPN with Zac Sunderland, a 17-year-old who became the youngest person to circumnavigate the world. Solo. His whole inspiration was Do Hard Things, the idea of the Rebelution! And now, today, ESPN surprised me once again with two great articles my dad read. One is about Colt McCoy, the quarterback for the Longhorns. (Hook 'em, Horns.) He is, essentially, superhuman to most people. He is truly amazing. Check out just one article here. And last but not least, my favorite article. In the very back of the magazine, no less. Did you know that there are children who cannot be in the sun or fluorescent lights for more than a minute, or they contract cancerous tumors? There are. It is amazing, fascinating, and sad. But these kids got to be with their favorite baseball players for the first and last time. Since the kids basically can't go outside in the sun, they do all outdoor activities at night. Therefore, some of the top Yankee baseball players went to play with 12 kids on their home field at three o' clock in the morning. Wow. It just blows my mind. I can't even do the story justice. Google it. It's amazing. And thanks to ESPN. I'm proud of you.

Do Hard Things

I figured I should let you in on a big interest of mine. It's called the Rebelution. To deny that it is part of my life is like denying that George Washington was a president. The Rebelution is defined as "a teenage rebellion against low expectations." It was started by two brothers-Alex and Brett Harris- who saw the need for a revamping of teenagers today. They wrote a book, which happens to be one of my favorites, that challenges teens to "do hard things," their motto. Doing hard things means doing things that our culture considers tough or strange for a teenager. Their book includes the picture of what our culture has taught teenagers to believe about themselves, exactly what it means to do hard things, and how teens can change our culture if they try-because we are capable of doing incredible things for God's Kingdom. I love their entire mission, and if you've never heard of them, be sure to check them out. Doing hard things has become my goal, and I believe that the message of the Rebelution is one everyone can take something out of, teen or adult. I'll try to publish more about this later.